I am a born Muslim, does that make me a bad person?

I am a 20 something girl, with not so Islamic name, so I can easily pass off without being noticed as a muslim. I don’t wear head scarfs (unless on the days I am fasting). I don’t hang out with only-muslim group of friends, in fact I am part of this big group that is very multicultural.  I am pretty sure, a lot of people cannot even guess which part of India I am from.

This is me:

I go out with my friends or colleagues, and when I am not sure if it's halal I stick to a veg starter and a non-alcoholic drink. I am back home before 9 pm.

I am most comfortable in wearing western outfits; But you will always see me in a loose tunic top with denim pants.  My clothes have high neck opening, long sleeves and l usually layer my clothing with shrugs or long jackets or scarfs, if my clothes are too tight.

I love perfumes, but I always pick the mildest of them because I like to smell good only for myself.

I wear bright lipstick, but my hair is tied up into a neat bun, with that I try to look classy in spite of my deep red “attention seeking” lip color.

I don’t pray at work. But I don’t go to bed without praying.

I don’t know many Qur'anic verses, and I pray in English. I talk to God like he a friend or a mentor or immigration officer of the country I am desperately trying to enter.

I make sure I give alms regularly.

I also believe in one act of kindness per day.

I don’t go to religious gatherings, but I listen to religious lectures online and just to keep my knowledge updated.

I try not to lie. I don’t steal (at all), 

I get angry, I apologize.

and I pray for random people.

I force myself not to judge other people.

I look for opportunities to help people or show  kindness, just to earn that extra reward with God.

My ways are " not-muslim-enough" according to my relatives and my friends tease me to be pseudo-muslim. Basically, I don’t fit into people’s definition of muslim. 

But I do feel the hate when I read the anti-muslim tweets and social media posts.

I feel your hate when the bomb goes of in London underground tube. Although I didn't do it, you will treat me like I did.

I feel your hate, when you call a inter-caste marriage “love-jihad” 

All these instances and more. 

I am scared to be identified as Muslim. 

It scares me to imagine that, someday you will hate me so much that  you deprive me off my basic human rights,  you will not even realise that it's inhuman.

I once read this blog of an Israeli teen, who was writing for the cause she firmly believes in "Jerusalem needs more Jewish burial ground, hence some of the old setters (Palestinian) should be made to vacate from their homes".

The girl, was so convinced that burial grounds were so important it was okay to displace the people 'living' there. You know what is worse?  She advocated that the government should stop their  electricity and water supplies, so that they move from there without a choice.

When our ministers propose remove "secular" word from the preamble of the constitution, My God, you are scaring me. Is my country going to be another Israel? or Or worse, are you planning to push me into gas chambers?.

I see "anti-muslim activists" description on some Twitter profiles and it scares me.

A friend of mine told me once, "I like you because you are not like other muslims."

I asked her does she know another muslim besides me, she said, 'no'.

Then I asked her,  "how can you say I was different?"She told me about these things she reads about Muslims in news.

On the first day of college, I heard a girl say "I feel sacred when I hear there is a muslim in the room, what if she is a terrorist"

I once had a senior colleague calling me ISIS at work.

I understand your fear, I am as scared.

I am not trying to achieve anything with this post, but to tell you that I am scared.

I feel your hate, and I don’t think I deserve it.

I don’t think a lot of muslims in India deserve it.
Being a muslim has only taught me to be a good human being. 

Please dont't hate me for that.

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Picture credit:  Pexel.com