Am I not worth a fight?

Woman Wearing Black Long Sleeved Shirt Sitting on Green Grass Field Near Mountain Under Cloudy Sky


The great love stories “Sherin-Farhad” “Heer-Ranjah” Romeo-Juliet”, they make me so jealous.

I wish somebody just tells me these are only fiction, and in real life people don’t really die for love.

Okay, there are people who kill for love, I m not talking about them. I am talking about love; selfless, powerful, eternal love. Love that is supposed to win in the end. I am talking above the struggle-to-find and happily-ever-after kind of love. 

I sometimes wonder if you only find this kind of love in Nicholas Sparks novels/ movies. Did you really fight for love?  Was it worth it? Do you look into her eyes and sense that it was worth it after all? Do you feel it everyday?  Don’t find my questions stupid. I have never been worth fighting for.

When people abandon me they say “she will be okay”. I know I will be okay. I am okay. I am now wondering what does “okay” mean anyway.  Does it mean I will survive your walking away or I will survive your cheating on me? Or does it mean I am strong enough to take care of myself so you don't have to fight for me?

You can safely walk away hoping people will forget our story someday and I will swallow my pain and go on with my life like you never happened. Is that what you meant when you asked me “are you going to be okay?”

Why am I not the girl you could take to your parents and say “it’s her or no one else” or why did I not be good enough reason to fight your temptation when the other woman lured you? Why my dreams are not worthy of your sacrifice? Why wasn't I ever worthy of any fight?

I joke around with my friends that I slayed my own dragons, so I don't need a knight in shining armor anymore. Deep down I sometimes believe that it’s the price I pay for choosing to be strong: “she will be okay, she is fine”

I don’t want you to fight, I just wanted you to try.
If you ever chose to fight, 
I would never let you fight alone. Not for a second. 

 But you picked the easy way out, you left me guessing 

“Am I not worth a fight?”

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